


I Feel...Cold

by CaitlinTheCrazy



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 15:45:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6572140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaitlinTheCrazy/pseuds/CaitlinTheCrazy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angst Warning!<br/>When being cured Crowley is overwhelmed by all the old emotions he had as a human coming back.<br/>Mooseley if you squint!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Feel...Cold

Strapped to the chair, the metal collar bit into the skin of my neck. It was heavy, dragging me down like the years of torture and torment both inflicted on me, and what I had inflicted on others. It dragged me down, made me weak and just when you think you might have been something powerful it’s taken away. Hell drags you down.  
I didn’t know where these thoughts had come from. One second I spit insults at the giant of a Winchester and the next I’m weeping openly? This wasn’t right, this felt, this actually made me feel things other than pain and hate. This made me feel, everything. There was something, guilt? maybe it was guilt. I don’t know… I can’t place them. It made me want to die. It made me think of all the disgusting, unclean, unworthy, unforgivable things I have done.  
But there were other emotions. Filling my head, rotating and turning dizzying and scary. Scared yes I am scared terrified even. That there might not be anything left for me in this world. How could I even look at myself? In this stolen face of someone whose life I took. I didn’t deserve this, this second chance. It was the person in the body who did. They should get their life back but me? No. My body has long since decayed and my soul should have rotted away with it into nothing. I shouldn’t exist, there is no amount of forgiveness that can change that. I should be destroyed. Ashamed? Yes I’m feeling ashamed too. I want to go back, right back to the start, I want to stop myself from selling my soul in the first place. I was stupid, condemned myself to become a monster for a couple inches. I had nothing to lose back then yet I lost everything still.  
Then there was a spark, warmth I haven’t felt in centuries. It was a hunger, a desperate hunger of ambition. I could fix things, I could apologise and repent instead of ending with my name so caked in mud that no one would even care if I obliterated myself. Instead I’m sure there’d be endless parties in the wake of my death. I can change, I swear I can change. I can take all that hatred and pain and destruction and I can change it into something better, into something that I can be remembered by.  
Then there was pain. A bad pain, something was wrong. I felt warm blood pour from my chest. I finally took in the room around me and stared into the eyes of one of my own demons. I looked down at the blood. Then moose… no Sam, Sam killed the demon in front of me. Sam looked scared. He reached out a hand, used it to stop the blood from spilling out. It felt like all the hellfire leaving me. Maybe this was my last repentance.  
“Crowley?”  
Sam looked defeated, his hair stuck to his head heavily weighted down with sweat. Blood spattered his face and there were fresh cuts on his arms.  
“Crowley, how are you feeling?” He asked solemnly.  
I didn’t know. I felt something, pain. But it was ebbing away. Leaving me numb all I could think to reply was.  
“I feel… cold”  
After that I had enough energy only to grab Sam’s hand, (when had he undone my chains?) and he squeezed mine back before I was too tiered. Hell dragged me down once more.


End file.
